A Record of the Rabbits

[Lavie Rhap]

It has come to my attention that there has yet to be a proper history of the Rabbits. Many successes and reverses; none have been placed into text. The future may bring us fine intellects yet their gifts may be negated through growing sycophancy, falsified by terror, or written under the irritation of a recent hatred. Therefore I take it upon myself to speak, as a first-hand witness to these great events, without either bitterness or partiality, no matter my personal position.

--Lavie Rhap, Former Justice Minister of the Rabbit Reich


The Republican Period Motto – “We are the Good”

1 BRE (Before Rabbit Era)

October:
+funny_bunny, honey_bunny, and holstein establish the Rabbit Republic.
+funny_bunny mobilizes the Thousand Rabbits and creates a standing army.

November:

+[9th]The Republic declares itself via the hostilities with Robot.

+The triumvirate intends to push west. To secure their eastern front, an alliance is forged with The Evil Empire.

+[20th]holstein begins to cause strife within the Republic through the sabotaging of the Robot campaign.
+funny_bunny seizes primary control by passing decrees in the name of honey_bunny; unknown if this is intentional or a product of madness.
+honey_bunny is too preoccupied with administrative affairs to notice the tensions.

December:
+holstein is increasingly hostile towards funny_bunny.
+funny_bunny still retains immense support from the Army of the Thousand Rabbits, despite his growing insanity.

+[27th]Apparent date of birth for funny_bunny.
+funny_bunny spreads misinformation among the Rabbits, possibly maintaining a state of confusion in order to keep power.
+The Thousand Rabbits, consisting of prettyprophet, nde, Kawaii Pattycakes, edthefucker, Killer Ink, and Lavie Rhap, are called upon with greater frequency by funny_bunny.
+honey_bunny departs from the Capitol on matters of business, leaving a power vacuum in the Republic.
+holstein begins to plot an coup d’état.

Year Zero (Rabbit Era)

January:
+prettyprophet attempts at laying down order between the now visible factions; she fails.
+holstein openly states her intent to take over.
+funny_bunny dismisses the possibility of rebellion. Security is not raised.
+holstein gathers support through appealing to the laziness of several Rabbits; they no longer desire to continue the Robot campaign.

+[7th]Despite prettyprophet’s warnings, funny_bunny goes to the assembly to choose the official cake of the Republic.
+In midst of debate, holstein and 500 supporters descend on funny_bunny and assassinate him on the steps of the Forum.

+[9th]holstein is sole ruler of the Republic.
+Emulates elements of funny_bunny’s reign in order to connect to those still loyal to him.
+This fails; without funny_bunny, the Army of the Thousand Rabbits becomes undisciplined.
+Immediately following the setback, holstein imposes martial law and crushes all resistance.

+[13th]Public support for holstein wanes, fearing a new brand of terror as well as discovering her lack of care in handling the Robot campaign; the fear is justified, given her initiation of the Great Purge.
+honey_bunny returns in order to salvage the situation.
+prettyprophet rises in prominence following her dedicated efforts to Robot.

February:

+holstein displays herself as cruel and vindictive, forcing Rabbits to work far harder than they ever had for funny_bunny.
+Almost all individuals without ties to the Thousand Rabbits are removed, either in isolated kidnappings or public executions.

+[4th]Although holstein’s Terror continues,honey_bunny publicly does nothing; in secret, honey_bunny allows the Thousand Rabbits to gain access to all resources to defeat Robot.

+[8th]holstein declares the Republic and the Rabbits obsolete.
+A visit to Three Gypsies places honey_bunny in the future position of power; holstein responds by trapping him inside a box with cement and dumping him into the Atlantic Ocean.

+[11th]holstein, once again, has sole power and defies the final law of the Republic by allowing Rabbits to display their names.
+However, the majority of her supporters are now either aligned with the Thousand Rabbits or infiltrated by the Thousand Rabbits themselves; they covertly attack Robot with effective methods.

+[14th]funny_bunny returns from the dead and frees honey_bunny from his watery doom.
+Peace is made with holstein by the giving of cheesecake.
+The now-reconciled Republic declares that “Gut ist tot”.
+The Rabbit Reich is established.

The Imperial Period Motto – “Gut ist tot”

+To prevent the past breakdowns of government, total power is no longer invested into single individuals.
+The Ministry is created in order to check any further insanity from funny_bunny.
+The Ecclesia is created in order to maintain a core number of members capable of any task.
+prettyprophet and Lavie Rhap are designated as representatives from the Thousand Rabbits.
+The Reich is now chooses artbooks to campaign against.

+[14th]Immediate declaration of the Rabbit Reich through attacking Happoubi Jin’s Sweet Body.
+prettyprophet quickly imposes a new way of rule; the Rabbits all become involved.
+Contempt for the non-attentive civilian is not hidden; high-ranking members vote to use passwords

March:

+Eager for a fresh start, more campaigns are developed, such as Korean Illustration and the DJ Max 2 Visual Postcard Set.
+To further the optimism, the Thousand Rabbits begin writing epic romances celebrating the Rabbit life.
+honey_bunny cedes all power to prettyprophet and returns to traversing the world.
+prettyprophet becomes the PR Rabbit, a seemingly unenviable position.

April:

+Due to the abundant harvest and booming economy, the Rabbits begin to cavort recklessly; only the core Thousand Rabbits consisting of prettyprophet, nde, Lavie Rhap, and Kawaii Pattycakes provide prudence.

May:

+Slowly, the idle wealth poisons even the Thousand Rabbits. They begin to delight in psychologically torturing hapless civilians with lengthy treatises.
+The Thousand Rabbits complete the first chapter of Savior Blood, Smash Bizarre 2D: Calamity Shodown, an allegorical epic designed to plot the current path of the Reich.

June:

+funny_bunny announces his intent to include scanlations into the conflict; prettyprophet opposes this.
+Fissures begin to appear in the Reich.
+Lavie Rhap creates a new legislature building while funny_bunny forms the Rabbit Raws to raise moral.
+funny_bunny also builds a resort called Villa Leporidae as a fortress of merriment.
+As an appropriate “dark side”, the Club Cowslip is launched opposite.

+[25th]All intentions are wiped clean as a famine strikes the Reich; the government is paralyzed.

July:

+In the state of confusion, funny_bunny removes himself from the public eye to plot.
+prettyprophet and nde retreat across the ocean to contemplate further action.
+The Reich collapses without any leadership, resulting in stagnation.
+funny_bunny releases the contingency plan of Etrian Oddity, or the World Tree Madness in the West, a series of comedic plays to placate the restless Rabbits.

+[29th]However, offsetting any goodwill funny_bunny may have made, a new campaign is launched against a foe the Rabbits have little experience with; Astral Project is attacked by several Rabbit legions on the advice of Kawaii Pattycakes and Barbarossa.
+prettyprophet sends several communiqués outlining her displeasure; it is uncertain whether they were lost in transit or simply ignored.

August:

+[2nd]The assault on Astral Project suddenly ceases; it would be learned much later that the Astral Project campaign was designed by Lavie Rhap primarily for gaining combat data firsthand.

+Despite the renewed energy within the Reich, the chaos remains; with prettyprophet away from the Capitol, Lavie Rhap is unable to control the militant factions of Kawaii Pattycakes and edthefucker.
+funny_bunny quietly begins diplomacy with GGpX, leader of Illuminati-Manga, a secret society.
+holstein disappears from the Reich; her records are acquired by funny_bunny.

+[15th]prettyprophet and nde return, initiating some semblance of order.
+To distract prettyprophet from his true intentions, funny_bunny celebrates the festival of AX 2008.

+[19th]Further muddying the situation, funny_bunny attacks Sweet Body once more, this time to conquer or perish.

+[25th]The decoy maneuvers are successful; an unforeseen campaign against Benjamin’s One Day begins as the Reich and Illuminati-Manga join forces to attack on two fronts.
+The Axis of Awesome is created, with the motto of: “Striving for a Greater Global Graphic Novel Sphere”.
+Since the resources were already committed en masse, prettyprophet and her fellow detractors have no choice but to continue the campaign.
+The constant warring begins to wear down the Reich treasury.

September:

+funny_bunny and prettyprophet disagree on the handling of the One Day campaign; it becomes evident that sides will have to be chosen.
+Etrian Oddity’s performance run is abruptly halted as playwright funny_bunny shifts focus to a more fantastical style in Usagi Tensei, translated as Rebirth of the Rabbit.

October:

+The One Day campaign arrives in a quagmire as Rabbits become tangled with infighting and personal vendettas.

+[24th]Regardless of the impediments, the Sweet Body campaign concludes with its complete capitulation and disarmament.
+Though a full victory by funny_bunny, prettyprophet’s faction decides that many of his tactics were haphazard and unsatisfactory; better command is deemed necessary.
+Usagiten only augments prettyprophet’s disgust with funny_bunny, as this new play presents a very lewd depiction of her.

November:

+The One Day campaign continues, albeit slowly; Rabbits and Illuminati alike pay for every inch taken with blood and suffering.
+A last-ditch attempt at reconciliation by Lavie Rhap is initiated by bringing the Rabbits together to view WALL-E; this fails.

December:

+One Day is surrounded and besieged; victory is at hand.
+With the near-conclusion of the One Day campaign, funny_bunny and GGpX prepare their forces to attack Nie Jun’s My Street.
+The philosopher ak makes himself known to the Rabbits.
+prettyprophet carries out her plot for revolution.

+[25th]Through the guidance of ak, raids against the doujinshi belonging to bandits that scour Wonderland, like Ragnarok Online or mecha-lolibots, begin in earnest.

+[27th]prettyprophet uses funny_bunny’s strategy of overt celebration to mask the seeds of unrest against him.
+With her position as PR Rabbit, prettyprophet is able to control the flow of information, building further support against funny_bunny’s regime.

Year One (Rabbit Era)

January:

+prettyprophet continues lobbying for support; the increased volume of private communication raises edthefucker’s interest.
+Reich counter-intelligence probes for internal enemies.
+The First Annual Video Game Awards, informally known as the Pleinnies, is introduced to distract edthefucker and his agents.

+[1st]The My Street campaign begins; once again, the Rabbits and Illuminati attack on two fronts.

+[26th]To celebrate the day of the Great Moon Rabbit, the coastline of My Street is razed.
+Decadent doujinshi are included as priority targets in a bid to capture the criminal organization known as Yamada Naito; the Club Cowslip is reactivated.
+These events also serve as diversionary actions to keep funny_bunny’s faction away from the Capitol.

February:

+Unlike One Day, My Street’s military lacks defensive capabilities, relying on natural impediments.
+This proves to be of little challenge to the might of the Rabbits and Illuminati.
+prettyprophet openly disparages cheesecake, the revered cake of the Reich, in favor of tiramisu; this is the signal for the conspirators to begin inciting the masses.

+[11th]Final resistance from One Day ceases after a 47 day siege; prisoners are sold into slavery.
+ak attempts to convince the Reich to return to their old values through a discourse on Yoshitoshi Abe’s Ryutai.
+ak’s idealism is ultimately a futile gesture, as diplomat puffismagix is gravely injured during a cheesecake/tiramisu debate; this finalizes the battlelines between the pro-cheesecake, led by funny_bunny, and pro-tiramisu, led by prettyprophet, factions.
+Tiramisu achieves the majority vote but cheesecake receives endorsement from influential Rabbits such as Aerith’s Bitch and Trojan, as well as honey_bunny and holstein.
+Furthermore, funny_bunny and prettyprophet refuse to negotiate, accepting only destruction.
+For the first time in the history of the Reich, civil war erupts in what would be known as The War of the Cakes.

The Revolutionary Period Motto – "La Revolución no va ser Bien"

+[14th]On the date of the Rabbit Reich’s establishment, prettyprophet takes the opportunity to declare the Rabbit Revolution through Tsukasa Jun’s Tsukasa Bullet 2001.
+Civilians are no longer considered innocent; all become involved.
+The Cake War continues…

++++++

To be updated annually.


Prophet sez: This was thanks to a bet between Lavie and me. Lavie lost but this isn't much of a punishment, since she had fun writing it.